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woooohooo
state fair, seether, and trapt, here I come!
so excited
it'll be the shizzznit

and maybe tomorrow I'll get to go shopping at mall
maybe

and school starts tuesday and I'm not ready...I don't have a backpack or new clothes
annnnd I don't have my reading for seige done
):


but
right now I'm kinda hyper and excited
I think I'll go get ready

Brent I love you and I miss you

ugh! grr grrr grrrr!

we're getting a new dishwasher, it will be delivered monday.

but...they've really done it this time...

we're gonna geta new car.

what's next?

k, this song/music video made me cry last night, forserious, and I usually never ever cry when I hear or see something sad on tv...

[.::Martina McBride::.]
(Concrete Angel)
She walks to school with the lunch
She packed
Nobody knows what she's
Holdin' back
Wearin' the same dress
She wore yesterday
She hides the bruises with linen
And lace

(oh oh)

The teacher wonders but she
Doesn't ask
It's hard to see the pain
Behind the mask
Bearing the burden
Of a secret storm
Sometimes she wishes she was
Never born

[Chorus]
Through the wind and the rain
She stands hard as a stone
In a world that she can't rise above
But her dreams give her wings
And she flies to a place where
She's loved
Concrete angel

Somebody cries in the middle
Of the night
The neighbors hear, but they turn
Out the lights
A fragile soul caught in the hands
Of fate
When morning comes
It'll be too late

[Chorus]

A statue stands in a shaded place
An angel girl with an upturned face
A name is written on a polished rock
A broken heart that the world forgot

[Chorus]
---------------------------------------------------

Brent I miss you and love you always...hope we get to hang out tonight...

oh yea, I also dreamed I was raped. )=

Brent! Click here! It's a mini biography and pictures of you :D :D :D

make up, make up, everywhere :D I was surprised mum let me get so much...anyways here's the inventory:

Jane lash and brow mascara in crystal curl
Covergirl liquid eyeliner pencil in Onyx
Covergirl eyeslicks in black velvet
Bonne Bell lip D'votion in Fresh Melon and Latte Love
Mary-Kate and Ashley color flips nail polish in duo pink/duo rose
" " shimmer plus all over color eye/lip/face crayon in daredevil
" " satin shimmers creme eye color in smokey nights
" " sequin dust and sparkling powder in delicate

and that's the whole caboodle...squee I can't wait to be shown how to put eyeliner on

she's driving me crazy. being awful, simply awful. yelling. sarcasm. I can't take it.thank gawd I get a break while she goes over to clean the apartment. but still, she will be back. I must cry from the inside.

ok, get this...I'm starting a new blog...it'll be yummy. since my sidebar doesn't wanna work i'll just put it here...[new blog]

Brent I miss you so bad it hurts, and love you always...

ttfn (:

erm. yeah. this song reminds me of my real dad.

[.::Whatever You Became::.]
(Cold)
Whatever you became
Blame it on my fame
Always away from you
Sold my life for a song
Whatever you killed
The blood got on my face
See it took over you
and your minds nearly gone

[Chorus]
and I can't change my ways
Sorry it's my fault
I wasn't there to see
Whatever you became
Whatever you became

Whatever you became
you blame it on blind faith
can't turn away from you
what's my life if your gone
Whatever you feel
I take it on my stage
I sing to the world for you
and I'm always alone

[Chorus]

I can see it all
You're so far away
I can't take this anymore
I can't live until I see your face
I can see it all
You're so far away
I can't take this anymore
I can't live until I see your face

[Chorus]

Somethings gone away
You've taken this from me
Until I see your face
I'm slipping away

Le thérapeute a fait me fait un contrat verbal avec elle, prometteur pas pour m'endommager. oh golly, j'espère que je peux le garder en haut. il vient de recevoir si tenter parfois. Je dois tourner de cette musique déprimante, recevoir a douché maintenant et habillé, et aller voyager de vélo. mais bien sûr je ne ferai pas, parce que je suis une tête stupide paresseuse. moop.

You're Exotic Dancer Barbie. You have some moves,
and will do anything for a few bucks. Take it
off girl, but keep it PG-13 please.


If You Were A Barbie, Which Messed Up Version Would You Be?
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Nerdslut


What's your sexual appeal?
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Your: Happy eyes! Your cheerfull, bright and always
want to try something new. Your inquisitive and
quite lovable. You have many friends and will
succseed in life.


What type of eyes do you have?
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the movie wasok. being with Brent was great. gawd I love that boy. hmm. I think I'll go watch tv. and sleep. ttfn (o:

alright, so here I am, back from therapy.
the lady was an older lady, mid fifties to early sixties perhaps, tall with gray hair, and a strong polish accent. she was very straightforward and honest about what the expectations were, what we would try to do, and then it was just some boring talking and stuff. she's got a working diagnosis of dystymia, a more mild form of depression, but is not sure yet. I'm not sure if I liked her, I do know that I was extremely nervous. about halfway through the session I got very tired, and was even tempted with the idea of dosing off. now, I am tired, and have a moderate headache.
good news though, my dad says it was never my fault for the physical abuse (from him anyways), but the bad thing is my mom tells me to forget and not tell anyone about hers. guess what? I just told.
but for more good news, I must go now to see a movie with my beloved Brent.
ttfn.

alright alright. so I'm not suicidal anymore (=
my mom came in at like 10:30 and was like "you look really skinny, are you throwing up? would you tell me if you were?" and then "do you still scratch" "*sheepishly says yes*" "when's the last time you scratched?" "*sheepishly says a few days ago*" and then proceded to tell me about the therapist thing. today is my frist session >.<

and also,...

HAPPY 5 MONTH ANNIVERSARY BRENT!!!!

wow I'm pretty horny right now...
*goes to work on evil plans to seduce Brent at the movies tonight*
muhahaha

;)

(o:

*wants to die*
oh how wonderful it would be
to have the life sucked out of me

and they say it's all fun and games. but it's depressing to be made fun of by your own family.
and then there's the fact that...
and yea.
and you know what? I wanna hang myself NOW.

suicide suicide yes indeed
k-i-l-l--i-n-g

it's the only waaay

and also no one understands me
i feel so alone )o:
why do I keep babbling on like this?

I should shut up
for good

because I'm just an annoying pest to everyone, who's not sensitive to other people's feelings, a selfish bitch and A SUCK ASS GIRLFRIEND. and don't anyone try to tell me I'm not, cos I am.

wow. I need prozac or something like, now.

excuse me while I dream so longingly of killing myself.

it's story time boys and girls. read this story i found in a dead journal community:

Well, picture me dressed in a leather skirt and halter-top, standing in front of you waiting for your word to let me do what I want. You give me permission, and I tell you to sit, then I leave the room. A second later I come back and tell you that if you are wearing anything when I get back you will be very sorry. So I leave again. You sit there for what seems like forever, wondering if I have left you there for the night, but, it has only been about half an hour, and I come back smiling slyly. I have my hands behind my back and you want to know what I'm hiding, but I won't tell you, and order you to close your eyes. You tell me no, that you want to know what's going on and why I took so damn long. But I just laugh, "You have given up your power, and I now hold your pleasure in MY hands. Do as I say, and you will be very happy when I'm done". So I brush my hand over your eyes and you obey the command to close them, and I put a blind fold on you telling you to kneel. You just slide off the chair into a kneeling position. I say, "Put your hands behind you and stay as still as you can". At that I slide armbinder's on you and tightly lace them up so you have no choice but to leave them resting down your back. You are still trying to ask what I'm doing but I'm just keeping quiet. You aren't quite sure of where I am. "Open your mouth and pull back your tongue", I'm behind you still. You could have sworn that I had moved in front of you but you do as you are told to. I then place the small gag in your mouth, carefully adjusting the size so it's not too tight, or loose enough that you could slip it out. You are now helpless and completely under my control. I can tell that by the way your body is tensed that you want to know what I have planned for you tonight and that you are a little scared. This makes me very happy, I want you to be a little nervous. I let out a small purring laugh and then say, "I have been wearing your collar for over a year now, and I think it is time you know what it feels like to be someone's pet. Lift your head so I may see your neck." You do as you are told even more scared than before, you can remember some of the things you have done to me while I have been in your collar. You can feel my hands caressing your exposed neck, so soft, you think that maybe I couldn't hurt you or go through with this and will let you go. You have no idea how wrong you are. "I love you Master. I want you to remember that no matter what I do it is out of love. If I do something that you can't handle please let me know", as I place a white handkerchief in your left hand, "just drop this and I will stop, release you and we will be done for the night. If you understand nod." You nod, but are still unsure of what I might do that makes me think we will need a safe "word". I then take a very smooth, soft, leather collar and place it on your neck; again taking care to make sure the fit is snug but not too tight. I don't need you passing out halfway through my night of fun. You suddenly remember me looking at a collar like this at the store, and you know that it has about six d-rings on it. You think this can't be good, she can attach me to anything from any angle and even use all six at the same time to make impossible for me to move at all. I have been with you long enough to know what you are thinking and that look means you remember me eyeing this collar. I again let out a small laugh making you even uneasier than before. You hear me move in front of you. You wish you could see what I was doing, as you picture me slowly unzipping the front of my top and sliding it off my shoulders. Next you feel the leather brush across your face. I then start to untie the lace up sides of my skirt, slipping the laces all the way out just so you know that I have taken my skirt off. You hear it fall to the floor, with a soft thud. You know me well enough to know that I'm not wearing anything under what I have just taken off. You get hard instantly just thinking about my bare body just inch's away from you. You try to reach out but then suddenly and rather painfully remember that you are wearing armbinders. I smile at the sight of your hard member, already wanting it inside me but knowing that I have to wait. "I'll help you stand up now. We are going to our play room". With that I take your arms to steady you while you get up. I attach a very short leash to the front ring and lead you out of our bedroom and into our large playroom. As soon as we enter the room you smell my favorite candles burning and just know that I'm going to use their wax on you. I see you try to smile behind the gag when you smell the candles and I'm fine with you knowing just that one thing that I will do to you. Our playroom is set up like an old castle with all of our toys displayed on the walls. I look all of them over mentally picking out what I'll use to please us tonight. I take you all the way into the room and attach your leash to another ring in the wall. You hear the soft click and tense back up. You know the hard part is about to begin. You have never been in a submissive position before, and are having a very hard time not being in control. I walk away from you admiring the way you look, nicely tied up. I take a silk scarf out of a small bag hanging on the wall and let it skim down the back of your legs. You relax again thinking that I'll only please you and not bring you to know pain. You have no idea how very wrong you are. I then soundlessly remove our smallest whip from its hook. And bring it across the backs of your legs starting at the top and working my way down then back up starting out softly and getting harder with every lash. Then after I have covered your legs with the whip I gently drag the cool silk up your leg soothing the sore spots. I replace the whip and silk to their respective places on the wall. I lean in close to your ear and ask, "Are you sure about this, Love? I'll stop as soon as you wish me to." But you shake your head "no"; I notice that you are harder than ever and might even be close to coming. I decide just to nibble and kiss your neck and ears until you have had enough time to cool off a little. After I am sure you won't come too soon I continue. I first remove the armbinders and let you stretch your arms for a minute. I then unhook the leash and led you over to the bed, slowly guiding you across the large room. When we get to the bed I help you get on it. "Spread your legs and put your arms straight out", I whisper in your ear. You do as you are told fearing what I might do if you misbehave. I then cuff your legs and tie your hands to the rings we have along the length of the running boards of the bed. Straddling you I start to kiss your whole body listening to you moan behind the gag. I am now having a very hard time not fucking you. I doubt I could get any wetter, but I know that I must wait. I have to show you how much better it is to be forced to wait until someone else is ready for you to come, but at the same time I know not to wait too long. I run my nails down your sides, enjoying the way you buck a little bit. Then I carefully lean forward and bite your neck just over your collar knowing that this will only drive you to the brink of stopping this just to have me ride you. I swing my leg over you and slide off the bed; I cross the room and take one of the candles out of its holder. I go back to your side and hold the candle high over you letting the wax drip on your chest. You arch your back and then try to pull away from it, whimpering. I place the candle in an empty holder by the bed and get back on top of you. I take your very hard dick in my mouth and start to lick, kiss, and stroke it with my tongue. Before you have a chance to come I stop and shift just enough that my pussy is right over your mouth and you can smell it but you can't see or taste it. After a second or two of listening to you moan and move again and sit on your chest. I carefully pick up your head and remove the gag. I tell you, "Say one word and I stop and put it back." I then put my pussy right over your mouth again so you can't do anything but eat me out. I let myself get off once, knowing that you like the way it feels and tastes on your tongue. I slide down your body and play with your hard cock for another second. After I am sure that you are as hard as possible I slip the head of your dick into my hot, dripping pussy. I ride you that way for a minute and then stop to run my nails down your legs. You are begging with your whole body for more, but I take you out of me and turn around so that I am facing you. You are biting your lower lip and just look so damn cute. I remove the blind fold and replace the gag. You look surprised. "I don't want to hear you, I only want to see that look on your face". I explain to you. I then release your hands, leaning very far over you so that my tits are in your face. You start to get very frustrated at this because you love to torture my nipples. I take your hands and place them one my body one on my hip and the other is on my chest. I tell you that you may lightly play with my nipples until you are about to get off. After that I ride you as hard as I can, until I feel you start to swell, letting me know that you are about to come. I stop, lean forward and twine my fingers in your hair, pulling it as I have another orgasm. Feeling my pussy tighten around your cock is just enough to put you over the edge and you buck under me and tighten your grip around my waist trapping me against you. I don't mind that is what I had in mind when I let your hands go. We finish together, worn out but happy. I let you free of everything and kneel at the foot of the bed, waiting for my punishment. You lie on the bed for a few minutes enjoying what has just happened. You get up and walk over to me smiling, "I didn't know that you could or would ever do anything like that my pet." I keep my head down hoping that you aren't too angry with me for what I have done to your body. I know that your legs are still sore and will be for at least another day. You take me by the arm and pull me out of the room, into our bedroom. You leave me at the foot of your bed and tell me to kneel. I do so quickly. You put on some clothes and take my everyday collar off the dresser. You then walk back over to me and place it lovingly around my neck, and kiss my cheek. You whisper, "I love you, my pet. Thank you for showing me a little of what you love so much. I understand why you act the way you do now." With that you attach my leash to the foot of the bed and lay down ready to go to sleep. "Rest kitten, in the morning you will be rewarded for all the work you have done tonight. I think you will like it very much, I know I will. I have bought some new toys to use on you." I also lie down and am already wet thinking about what you might have bought that we didn't already have and what you will do with it. I fall asleep with a smile.

I wake up the next morning. It is a beautiful day, the kids are gone, and it's my day off. My little kitten is still sleeping, right where she is every morning. I start to get up, then I feel the pain coming from my legs, the whelps are still very sore from where my pet went rebel the night before. On that thought, I get up and lock the bedroom door behind me so that she won't be able to get out when she wakes up. I grab a beer and get to work on setting my plans into action. I go and get out the new toys that I bought and begin to set them up. I know she's gonna love the new toys we now have. Some of them I have been catching her eyeing every time we go to the "store". After I finish setting up, I go take a shower, and get dressed. I am ready to punish her for the actions of the night before. Now, that's not to say that I didn't like it, but action must be taken to be sure it doesn't happen again. I unlock the door to find my toy still sleeping peacefully. I decide to wake her with a quick, sharp, painful snap of the whip to her ass. Her eyes pop open as she yells out in pain. It is then that she sees me, her Master, holding the whip that she woke up to. She quickly put her hand over her mouth and I saw a hint of fear on her face. For she knew that something, not exactly what, but something was about to happen to her. As punishment for yelling, I give her another sharp lash across her thigh, this time she manages not to make a sound. I tell her to stand up, and she quickly obeys, not wanting another lashing. I remove her everyday collar and attach the 6-D ring collar that she used on me the night before, now she is shaking with nervousness. I reach into the bag that I brought into the room, and remove a specially made hood and slip it over her head. It covers her eyes so that she cannot see. Her ears are covered with a special device that is like a hearing aid, which I can adjust whenever I wish. Her mouth, for now, is uncovered, but a ball gag is attached to the hood so that I may use it whenever I wish. I lead her into out playroom, all the while I'm talking to her. I ask her if she thinks that she should be punished for her behavior, and of course she answers, "yes, Master". In the room I have her out-fit ready laid out. First I put on a pair of white, 6 in, spiked heels with locking straps so she can't remove them. I know she as trouble walking in these, so, I click the lock shut. Next I slip her into a white leather skirt that barely comes 3in past her pussy. Then I put on a soft white shelf-style bra so that her beautiful nipples poke straight out. And lead her to my first toy. I have her lie on the floor as I attach the parts of the suspension device to her arms, legs, head and body. I pull the rope and lift her until she is three feet from the ceiling and ask her if she is scared yet. I barely hear her murmur a "yes, Sir". I swiftly lower her to about 3 ft from the floor. On her wrists I attach the steel shackle cuffs, from them I have a rope running up over a pulley device which I set up, and at the other end is a very rough looking nipple clamp. I have her bend her arms up to a 60-degree angle and I attach the clamp to her erect nipples. She lets out a little whimper of pain I just grin. I tell her that if she lowers her arms the clamp will pull painfully, and she nods in understanding. Then I place the ball gag in her mouth and fasten it perfectly. Then she opens her left hand, as usual so that I may put in the white handkerchief that is used for safety when a gag is in play. But all I do reach over and close her hand back up. I can see her tense up; she is scared, because we have never done anything without a safe word before. As she does this her arms drop a little and I can hear her scream from behind the gag. I just laugh and then I pull out my large, SWAT knife and click it open. She knows that click, and it's the last thing she hears before I turn down the volume on her ear devices. She is waiting for whatever it is that I will do to her, I just take a seat and watch her for a while. Getting up every now and then and brushing a feather down her side causing her to try and shift away from it, which pulls her nipples even harder. When I feel that she has had enough of that, I walk over and remove the nipple clamps, and a little blood starts to seep from the wounds. I bend my head down to her chest and suck a little of it into my mouth, and all I hear is her moan. She arches her back pushing herself harder into my mouth. I then move away from my pet so she can move her arms a little before I attach a chain from the cuffs to the floor on both her arms and her ankles. After that I remove the gag from her mouth, but order her not to speak. Then from nowhere I pour some rubbing alcohol onto the sores on her nipples. My little slut lets out a short scream but quickly closes her mouth, never the less it was a scream. I walk over to the wall and pick up the large cat-0-nine tails that we keep for this very thing and start to flog her with it. The leather bites onto her bare thighs leaving large red marks with small trails of bright red blood. I slowly start to walk around her body in a counter clockwise circle, just beating any open skin that I see. When I have made it all the way around, I place the tails back on the wall and grab the flex cane that we have, and repeat the process. Now I decide that since I did have fun the night before that I was going to give her a break. I tell her" You have five minutes to rest, slut." Once her five minutes are up, I walk over to her and pick up my knife. Her body begins to tense as I slowly rub the sharp blade up her leg and circle it a few times around her already dripping wet pussy. Still making no cuts I run it up her stomach. The whore is now starting to shake all over, as I had never done this before and therefore she doesn't know what to expect. The shaking gets worse as the blade rises higher on her body. I quickly pull the knife away and undo one of the clasps on the mask exposing a small part of her beautiful neck. I gently lean down and kiss it. Then I whisper into her ear, "I Love You, don't forget that." Next I take the blade up to the exposed part of her neck and apply a little pressure, just enough to cause a small trickle of blood, but not too much just enough. Then I lean down again and start to drink her blood greedily lapping up every drop that comes out, until the blood clots. After I am through I plant a long sensuous kiss on her lips so that she can taste the rest that still lingers in my mouth. I tell her "I've always wanted to do that, now seemed like a good time." I can tell by the way she returns my kiss that she is very close to getting off, it won't take much more. So I pull out my favorite new toy. It looks like a mini cattle prod, which it is but doesn't use much electricity at all, just enough to hurt a little. I then turn the volume in her ear-piece's all the way up, and before she realizes what's happening, I attack her nipples with the prod, which sends her into an intense orgasm. But with the volume turned up that far the speaker's act as a stethoscope, so her own moans and outbursts of pleasure are causing intense pain in her ears. I quickly grab a lit candle that I had set up close by and lift her skirt so that a little bit of the hot wax can drip onto her exposed clit, causing even more pain/pleasure. Then to top it off I bring the prod down to her pussy lips as she lets loose a wild scream. This one, though, I was expecting. I unhook this little slut of mine from her chains and ropes and lie her on the floor. Attaching the leash to her collar, I tell her, ' Now follow me to the bed, slut." She replies, "I-I don't think I can, Master". So I turn her in the right direction and give her ass a quick shock. She jumps and then crawls slowly behind me, but makes it up to the bed. I undo her hood and say, "Look at my dick, I want to be in your aching pussy with you riding me. I want you to make me cum in you." Like the good slave that she is, she obeys. With every thrust I can see the pain in her eyes. When I cum, I just smile. She is completely spent, so I carry her to her spot at the foot of our bed and attach her leash to the small ring there. She now knows that I am still in charge.

:D

[.::Murderdolls::.]
(Slit My Wrist)

Paranormal chicken geek
Drugged up superstar fiend
Genderbending galactic freak
Sci-fi lobotomy

Exorcism, circumcision
Horrifying gruesome scene
Bloodsuckers, a motherfucking
Brain dead neurotic fiend

[chorus]

Sick, get sick on this
You motherfuckers make me
Wanna slit my wrist
Sick, so sick of this
I wanna slit my wrist

A basketcase stitched-up face
Be all you can be
Chiller, killer, monster thriller
Trigger happy zombie

Radiation, masturbation
Infect the other human beings
Supersonic, chronic, vomit
Barbed wire cock ring

[chorus]

Murder, murder, yes indeed
K.I.L.L.I.N.G.
Murder, murder, yes indeed
K.I.L.L.I.N.G.

[chorus]

You represent... naivete.
So innocent and trusting... you can be very shy at
times, but it's only because you're not sure
how to act. You give off that "I need to
be protected vibe." Remember that not all
people are good. Being too trusting will get
you easily hurt.


What feeling do you represent?
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Nihilist Bear


Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You?
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You are Hate.

You care little to nothing about people and things
around you. You are consumed by feelings of
animosity and loathing towards everything or
one thing and it affects your view of all that
is around you.


What Emotion Are You?
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You're an INDIFFERENT AIM-ER. Meh.


What kind of AIM-er are you?
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Threat rating: extremely low. You may think you can
subvert the government, but if you should try
you will be smited mightily because God likes
us best.


What threat to the Bush administration are you?
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My #1 result for the SelectSmart.com selector, What Color Yoshi Are You?, is Pink yoshi

yesh yesh I know. someone has a little touch of insomniacness.

Find out if you are gay, bi, or str8.

color="#FFCC00">What Goth Are you?

Quiz Title




You Know What?

What Random Object From Ydoc Nameloc's Room Are You?






*meow*


What fuzzy creature are you?

# posted by Alyssa : 2:36 AM  0 comments

hmm. schedule:

period 1-French 2-Holcombe
period 2-Us History-Jeffers
period 3-English-Orth(!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D :D :D)
A lunch
Period 4-Science-Dorau
Period 5-Algebra 1-Haaland
Period 6-History of Rock and Roll-Mraz(!!!!! :D)

clicky to take this fun quiz! :D

I'm a......


Take Squiggle UK's 'Are you addicted to online tests' test

[.::Queens of the Stoneage::.]
(No One Knows)

We get some rules to follow
That and this
These and those
No one knows

We get these pills to swallow
How they stick
In your throat
Tastes like gold

Oh, what you do to me
No one knows

And I realize you’re mine
Indeed a fool of mine
And I realize you’re mine
Indeed a fool of mine
Ahh

I journey through the desert
Of the mind
With no hope
I found low

I drift along the ocean
Dead lifeboats in the sun
And come undone

Pleasantly caving in
I come undone

And I realize you’re mine
Indeed a fool of mine
And I realize you’re mine
Indeed a fool and mine
Ahhh

Heaven smiles above me
What a gift can be love
But no one knows

A gift that you give to me
No one knows



8 days of summer left. only 1 pair of new jeans. only 9 days till seige audition. I am not prepared at all. no one knows.
I doubt I'll make it. I'm a sucky actor x core. and see here's the thing. I want a ton of new school clothes. but I will not get a ton. I will be lucky to get a few. I suppose I should be grateful? also, homework and school work this year is gonna be depressive maaaajor. like it always is. only this time I'll have the stress of therapist visits.
gosh dammit.
cookies for everyone.

today was fun!
I went to the state fair with Brent, he didn't wanna go bungee jumping or on any of the big fast huge upside down spinning rides, but it was fun anyways. The minnesota state fair is known for it's food, it's one of the only things most people go there for, they have everything on a stick. fried oreos, fried candy bars, fried pickles and twinkies, the best cheese curds in the world...they even have soap on a stick for hand washing o_O

we went on some rides, got really dizzy. went through this crappy tunnel of love, only there were other people in our boat and lighted displays every few feet inturupting the pitch blackness, so yanno. I dunno why we paid 10 bucks to ride twice o_o.
I swear. I'm going next weekend and we better have some fair food!! and also we napped in the grass for an hour (o:
hmm. other than that it was walk around back and forth the whole time between the tunnel of love and the midway where rides were. such fun!

I got reeeeally bad sunburn on my face and scalp though )o,:

oh and next week, I get to see Seether and Trapt at the fair.

why can't I just...commit suicide and be done with it dammit. starting to feel like the only option of escape. loved ones don't want me cutting, I don't feel like writing...in my journal, where it actually does the most help, I mean...I don't wanna talk about it to much, makes me look like the pathetic sympathy seeking bitch...my parents can't help...I don't have shrink yet...
dammit suicide suicide suicide.
I found the perfect support beam in the basement to hang myself. and also I know how to do a hangman's noose, something I've always wanted to do.
or else I could close the bathroom door. and fill the tub up with warm water. light some candles and turn light off. I'd have a knife. make 1,2,3 cuts on the vein of my right wrist. do the same to the left. then maybe I'd just bleed to death. oh! I know what would be good. read "cut" as I die, then have it face down in the water to cover my genitals...I was always modest about that. she'll have not left a note, she never was one for writing notes to people. well, maybe there will be one note, telling Brent to go on with his life, and that she will love him forever. maybe she will've put hello kitty bubble bath in the tub. maybe, maybe...

















but no. I won't commit suicide. I just kinda wish I could sometimes. ok? ok.

=====================
deliver me from this place
make my pain go away
rip out my heart and bury it
six feet under
=====================

yanno something? the exposed pipes in the basement would be the perfect place to hang myself. then I'd be dead.
why am I depressed. I feel like an awful bitch.
K now go back to your normal lives and forget about me.

._.

hopefully I'll get my schedule today.
and.
deshfh. fehrjherf jkut uurufr hyg rhuyrt ii0u5 dejgdwhs hejhui2y4.

l-:<

man.
god damn mother fucking ants in the basement.

tonight is the parent/student meeting for seige. I might not get to be in drama this year if we don't find proper after school care for kyle. we have had all fucking summer to arrange something, and here we are, 2 weeks before school starts, still haven't gotten anything. someone has to watch him after school, and since they both work, it has to be me. but I can't watch him if I'm at rehearsal. this so fucking sucks ass.

>:-O

ok, so until I find a picture, I'll just put some info:

Badtz-Maru is the creation of Sanrio, a Japanese company who also created the well-known Hello Kitty character. It is often difficult to understand what Badtz-Maru is saying as the captions on the merchandise is in Japanese. Badtz-Maru has a girlfriend named Hana Maru. Hana Maru is a white seal. Badtz-Maru has a pet alligator named Pochi.
Badtz-Maru has a friend, Pandaba, a panda who is always wearing a skirt.

rofl.
dude. this house is so cool. I found a 6 year old box of meow mix in the basement.

heh. new house. dad finally set up computer. tired of moving stuff all around. but meh. cragass I added a badtz maru pic, there ya go :P.

tra la la la la la la...

===================
pull the knife out
press it against the flesh
the blood trickles out
along with my soul
the blood drips to the floor
and my soul rises up
to a better place
===================

it's right there in plain red and black. today is going to be a fucked up day.

tomorrow the computer and tvs go over to the new house. woo.

dude.
3 more nights in this place. then we spend saturday night at house.
yeay!
K I've fallen back into hello kitty obsessiveness.
sanrio is the shiz, yo.
and I finally succeded in cooking a pot pie. but it tasted like crap. oh well.

seemy and annis I miss you guys tons, please hurry back so we can continue on with our shinanigans!
Brent I love you so much you don't even know.

off to search for pics.

hmm.I burnt my pot pie last night ): I put it in the oven just like it said after preheating it to 400, and it wasn't 10 minutes later that the crust starts turning black and smoke comes from it.
must seek assisstance.

mom says I have to take all the things down from my wall today. I don't wanna, that wall is like, my favorite, helps me fall asleep with a sense of artistic pride and makes me feel all cool like. ah well at least the house walls won't be all bare.

and yea. nothing much else I think.
school starts in 19 1/2 days. 19 1/2!!!

you know what? grr.
]:

I could be sleeping now. Mom and Kyle are away at the house, which means no nagging to get up. But i don't want to sleep. Because I'm afraid of having anymore fucked up dreams. and that's what they've all been. FUCKED UP. :[
K for the last 4 nights in a row I've been trying that crying myself to sleep and then thinking about all my life problems for half an hour thing. it's no fun, very depressing, but I imagine that the tears are flowing out instead of the bloood on my arm, so I'm all..."yay?"

buh.
more boring crap today.
shower get dressed eat go to house go online read go to sleep etc.
): ): ):

Take the "Which FARK Cliche Are You" quiz!



haha

Grr. I want my own webpage.

Happy Birthday K from 6th grade math class, Ms. Alston's 8th period.

hey. move your mouse over my links and stuff. isn't it pretty!

uhm. test. cos blog sucks.

today's lesson:
moving is a pain in the butt.

uhm. got up. went to house. ate chicken in park. sat on a log. listened to music in cool new room. walked to park with seem and talked. saw funny dog pooper scooper poems.

I so have a black spork now.

uhm.

gonna make this thing purty, yes sir ree...

[.::Author/Title Unknown::.]
It's a sunny bright day,
and school's not far away,
people think she's happy,
but she doesnt want to stay,
she cuts her legs with razor blades,
so the screaming ghosts are free,
she knows it's not right,
but it's just to make sure she'll still bleed,
the pain goes down the drain,
with each red tear,
she likes to feel her nerves stir,
to make sure she's still here,
she doesnt want anyone to know,
and the scars do go away,
she's just addicted to the pain,
the pain that gets her through the next day,
she'll bash her loud slasher music,
so it's heard down the street,
she gets in battles with her mind,
but she always gets beat,
right now she's real confused,
it all started so long ago,
is she crazy,depressed,insane(?),
she just doesn't know....

[.::Title Unknown::.]
(Gracie)
i cut into my skin
the knife goes down so deep
i cut up my whole body
i cut myself to sleep
the blood runs down my skin
like the tears run down my face
out of this whole planet
i still dont have a place
its like no one sees me
like no one seems to care
i could rip apart my legs
or tear out all my hair
i could cut off my arms
i could rip myslef apart
oops, i just threw the knife in the air
and it landed in my heart

I am such a worthless piece of shit.
I want to slice open my skin with a thousand knifes, each cut deeper than the one before.
mom, pretty please leave me alone, and shut the fuck up while you're at it.

V_V

I suck I suck I suck I suck I suck I suck I suck I suck I suck I suck I suck I suck I suck I suck I suck I suck I suck I suck I suck I suck I suck I suck I suck I suck I suck I suck I suck I suck...I suck

I'm like, the stupidest person ever. gah. what the heck is wrong with me. I'm such a worry wart. and a ninny. and the crappiest girlfriend ever.

le sigh

o.o

Brent.
where the hell are you?
your mom says she hasn't heard from you in a couple days.
wtf.
I've tried calling like 10 times but you're never home.
ya you gotta get out with your friends. I so totally understand this. but 4 nights in a row at Jake's house?
If you're even there?
wtf.
ya don't have to check in with me, but at least let them know...
I'm all worried about you.
and frusterated, cos I wanna talk to you, tell you about stuff, and you're not there.
le grrrrrr. >:,-(
I miss you.